He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
