Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
