Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
