Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Why is your signature on my underwear?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
