My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Randomize
