Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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