Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize