Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
