Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
