remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
