we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
