i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Randomize
