you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize