her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
If I had your ass I would rule the world
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
