well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
