both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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