i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
we're so committed to being not committed
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
