ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
