she looked like the before picture.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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