hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
