I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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