She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
