I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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