i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
