I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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