tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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