AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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