apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
