she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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