No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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