who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
