So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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