then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
