I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
