if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
