I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
