So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Every concussion has its silver lining
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
