I'm eating all of the evidence.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
how do flat chested girls get laid?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
