Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
