Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
