My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
