I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
