apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
