I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
