shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
