Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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