shes about as inviting as chlamydia
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
