mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
