my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
