If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i out mim tonsoeep
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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