I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize