Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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