He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
