Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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