so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
