How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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