YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
