Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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