dude i'm inner monologue high
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
time to smoke my breakfast
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
