one word: firstdatebathroomanal
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
