My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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