saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
