I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
