I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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