Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize