you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
