Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
