Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
