Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
