Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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