i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
