thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
